What better time to reflect and think ahead than New Year’s eve? With vibrant explosions overhead and bubbly liquids hitting our lips, it makes many of us think about the year ahead and make our New Year’s Resolutions.
Younger, I used to do that too. Caught up in the moment, I came up with resolutions for the next year, only to fail at them soon after.
Despite my good intentions, I had already failed that night by setting goals I was not prepared for. I was setting myself up for failure.
My guess is you have experienced that too. In fact, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail just weeks into the New Year.
The Danger of New Year's Resolutions
After failing several times, I cut the cycle and decided not to set them again. That turned out to be a great decision.
Our minds are talented in forming our failures into negative self-talk, reinforcing our harmful self-beliefs. Failing at your goals can set the stage for a false narrative about your abilities and form a negative feedback loop.
The downward spiral can be dangerous. Negative self-talk can negatively impact your mood and lead to feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, or depression. It can also affect your behavior and ability to cope with stress or challenges.
If you find yourself in a negative thought pattern, try to break it and ask where the belief came from. Remember to be compassionate with yourself and give it a more positive spin. So instead of telling yourself “you’re a failure,” tell yourself that you didn’t meet your goal and that there is a path to improvement.
Why Do New Year’s Resolutions Fail?
So why do millions of people fail at their New Year’s resolutions every year?
First, the goals we set might be unreasonable. We set goals that we are not ready for, or deep down, we are not motivated to do. It might not be the right time or the right goal for you.
Second, we set “all-or-nothing” goals. We see success as black and white without any middle ground. In fact, the word “resolution” suggests that you must or else you fail.
Finally, a goal collapses if you don’t have an action plan. If you’re not sure how you can reach the goal, especially if the goal is vague, it’s hard to make progress. It might also force you to find a way to cheat.
How To Set Better New Year’s Resolutions?
Instead of setting New Year’s Resolutions, think about setting goals that are realistic and measurable. The goal should feel right and clear to you.
First, set a goal that is an end goal. Meeting the goal should get you your ultimate prize rather than be a skipping stone to a larger purpose. Think of the outcome of your actions (e.g., “be financially secure”) rather than the action itself (“save money”).
If the skipping-stone goal is what you had in mind, ask yourself “why” to discover your true goal.
Alternatively, ask what you would change tomorrow if you won the lottery or had the magic wand.
Second, make sure that you are self-motivated to meet the goal. Research shows that those who pursue goals for their own sake (“intrinsic goals”) are happier than those focused on goals for external rewards (“extrinsic goals”).
For example, set a goal to learn a new skill, do good for others, or get to some new level of feeling or being.
Third, make sure your goal is clear. Sometimes the goals we set may be too abstract and lose their meaning. Set a metric you can easily measure to track progress and devise an action plan to reach your goal.
The Mindframe Strategy
No one was born with life goals written out for them (thankfully so). Goal-setting is an art, and it can feel daunting to set goals for yourself.
If you feel angst about what kind of goal to set, know that you can always revise them later. But it is essential to set goals that ring true to you and that you can feel connected with.
The best way I’ve found to do this is by following this formula. I recommend you look through my Mindframe Life Strategy post more in-depth.
I want to ___ (life goal)
so ___ (motive)
and I think I’ll get there if I ___ (milestone)
which can be measured by ___ (metric)
and driven by ___ (automation, habit, or principle)
Conclusion
Goal setting is a remarkable human capability that helps us strive and get to a better place in life. New Year’s Resolutions are always set with good intentions but can lead to a negative spiral if we don’t set ourselves up for success.
Once I realized this, I never went back to setting New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I set annual goals that are clear and measurable. I track them monthly, and it keeps me excited about fulfilling my goals.
It makes the end of the year that much more exciting! Come New Year’s eve, I know I’ve met my goals this year, and I am confident and thrilled about the year ahead.